Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
