We're like a lot better than the average bears
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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