You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
