barbara walters just said penis...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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