Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
