1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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