i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Still dying that you shit outside
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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