So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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