he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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