Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
