goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize