Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
50% drunk capacity currently
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize