I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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