His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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