I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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