I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
