At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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