2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
