I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
