Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize