I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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