do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
