this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
