She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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