I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
