i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
