Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
