Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
