Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
