You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
