I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
