i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
