9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
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