he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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