i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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