Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
