my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize