Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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