I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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