bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
