I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
