I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
