I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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