i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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