It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
