I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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