UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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