no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
