five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
