remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
