Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
