I can text with my tongue
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
