And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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