Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
