Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
