Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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