seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize