I think I just saw someone hide a body.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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