Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
