I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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