I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
