It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wish I only lived at night.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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