Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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