I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
