I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
