How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i think i just lost a toe
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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