I wannas sexs uuuuu
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
