i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
