we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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